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To hopefully lighten your day
- Thread starter Rick
- Start date
eclark1894
Visionary
Careful with anything he touches. It might give you a cold Thor.
Rick
Eager
Don't click the links. 
I copy & pasted these but it saved them as links. Just read.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.
We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner.
We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.
Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
I copy & pasted these but it saved them as links. Just read. I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.
We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner.
We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.
Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.