This turned out to be a waste of time. More false hope, just like it always is.So,
I had a meeting with an agency today.
I want to say it was promising.
...
I should clarify, I didn't do all of that in 2 weeks. This has been over the winter months. The last 2 weeks I was pushing to finish the floor in one bedroom, and to start and try to finish the hallway. I still needs to do the hallway floor, but it was too hot today and already gave myself heat exhaustion. Aside from the remaining closets all washing and painting is now done though. Two closets still need washed, but they need emptied first. I considered sharing some before/after photos, but the house was/is a disaster - I am working on cleaning from top floor down.Wow - That's a LOT to get done!
No worries, I think I got your intent. My self sabotage cognitive dissonance algorithms are waiting for the moment they can inflict the most damage on my life before they trigger.My god man, you certainly have been through it. I know this is going to sound hokey or even disingenuous coming from some rando on the internet, but it is true nonetheless. I may have only caught a small glimpse of your life over the years, but there is an overarching theme that is plain to see from outside looking in that is easily missed from the inside looking out. That is perseverance. I have seen you pushed down the mountain so many times. Everytime you eventually start pushing the boulder back up the mountain. I have come to admire that about you. You are human you fall, you get overwhelmed, and even give up but you have always start again, and I hope you always will. I know cognitive dissonance will try to twist my words into something they're not. It is just a complimentary truth. The kind that all too often goes unspoken in society for fear of misunderstanding.
That's pretty much how I imagined it looked like. I can empathize. When I had to clean up and repair my parents house after they died it looked a lot like that in every room. It took me a couple years to finish, and I didn't have it as rough as you do. You having to live in the house while your fixing it up makes it a lot harder, and I don't think I would have finished if I had to deal with clinical depression on top of it all. Despite all of it you seem to be still getting it done. I just wish the probate court wasn't jumping in and making it that much more difficult. I never would have guessed that Massachusetts courts were that bad. I hope that when it's all said and done you will be able to get back to your creative work.No worries, I think I got your intent. My self sabotage cognitive dissonance algorithms are waiting for the moment they can inflict the most damage on my life before they trigger.
This is what I was forced to move into and deal with. Only posting a couple photos, but this is representative of every room in the house. If this looks overwhelming, try to imagine how much worse it is with clinical depression waking up to this every day and having efforts constantly obstructed by probate court.
This is typical of what I had to get through before I could clean or paint any walls:
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The walls as I am cleaning them:
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This should also put into context my various posts wher I mention things like "No room to really set up a workspace", "No place to put a new computer if I bought one", "No place really conducive to creative work".
That is a real shame. It's amazing how quickly things can change especially for the worst. The sad thing is that I hear that same sentiment all the time. I'm left wondering what happened to all of these great places.@Me195 There was a time, when I was younger, I used to be so proud to have been a son of Massachusetts. When I was young there was a fierce sense of patriotism, pride, and liberty here. I held onto it tightly through the storms and trials in Ohio, and I was honestly looking foreward to returning to my home soil...
This is not the Massachusetts I left. I hate it here. Rife with corruption and graft. The courts and lawyers are horrible. The state and city government happily tramples on peoples rights because they know you wont find a lawyer to challenge them or a court to rule against them. They also hate "outsiders" and are treating me as such because I had moved to Ohio for 30 years.
If I could afford it and had some place to go, I would leave. Everything I have left is tied up in this house now...