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So I am apparently "an unreasonable and impossible customer" because I have this delusional notion that...I pay for a service, I should have reasonable use and access to that service, and if there is a problem I should be able to reach someone in customer service, without jumping through ridiculous hoops, using social media, or agreeing to sign away my privacy and/or rights.
If that makes you "an unreasonable and impossible customer', they would consider me a nightmare, cause I will start bringing out paperwork, screenshots(whichever is applicable) and going, see here, here and here, now keep your darn commitments, if you want me to be a tester, pay me, not the other way around.
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Things just go from bad to worse. Spent Friday afternoon in ER. Had to fire my attorney - so there is no way I am going to win the probate case. Crooked and corrupt courts, crooked unethical attorneys. I just can't do this anymore. I am so sick of this life and this world and nothing I do has any effect.
So,
I had a meeting with an agency today.
I want to say it was promising.
I don't want to say too much as I do not want to jinx myself.
They agree some of what I am being subjected to is absolutely wrong, and it does seem/feel like there is some back channel collaboration with some of these seemingly unrelated groups I am having trouble with.
They are willing to try to help and advocate on some things, and provide some financial assistance on others, but some of it is far beyond their wheelhouse. Though they are willing to take the burden of trying to find me help as they could tell I am emotionally overwhelmed
There is a follow up meeting next week.
I feel more hopeful than I have in a long time, but not a lot, because if this does not work out I am out of places to turn - and finding and getting help from this agency was such a lengthy and difficult process as they normally get referrals form other sources (those other sources being places I have mentioned just slamming doors in my face elsewhere in these forums).
There is still no help or hope with this protracted probate battle I am trapped in at this time though.
If the next meeting is also promising, maybe... just maybe...it will lift my spirits enough to try doing some art or writing again instead of trapped in this gloom and doom.
I had a meeting with an agency today.
I want to say it was promising.
I don't want to say too much as I do not want to jinx myself.
They agree some of what I am being subjected to is absolutely wrong, and it does seem/feel like there is some back channel collaboration with some of these seemingly unrelated groups I am having trouble with.
They are willing to try to help and advocate on some things, and provide some financial assistance on others, but some of it is far beyond their wheelhouse. Though they are willing to take the burden of trying to find me help as they could tell I am emotionally overwhelmed
There is a follow up meeting next week.
I feel more hopeful than I have in a long time, but not a lot, because if this does not work out I am out of places to turn - and finding and getting help from this agency was such a lengthy and difficult process as they normally get referrals form other sources (those other sources being places I have mentioned just slamming doors in my face elsewhere in these forums).
There is still no help or hope with this protracted probate battle I am trapped in at this time though.
If the next meeting is also promising, maybe... just maybe...it will lift my spirits enough to try doing some art or writing again instead of trapped in this gloom and doom.
This turned out to be a waste of time. More false hope, just like it always is.
I don't know why I even bother trying any more.
Nothing will improve if I can't get help, and there is no help.
I have mad significant progress on cleanup and refurbishing the upstairs rooms in my house. I have finished washing all the walls, trim, and floor, and repainting all the walls and trim (except 4 of 6 closets and the bathroom). I have deep cleaned, rehydrated, and resealed the floors in two bedrooms. I was pushing hard these last two weeks to try to finish before summer heat set in. I got to the final stages on the hallway (I just need to deep clean the floor, rehydrate the wood, and reseal it). Unfortunately today the heat spiked at 93 outside, and the upstairs hallway felt like an oven. It's dropping back into the 50s tonight, and then back into high 80's tomorrow. These sharp swings are causing my back issues and art5hritis to leave me in excruciating agony...and sadly when the temperatures stabilize the summer heat will likely set it, making doing work in those upstairs rooms brutal.
I should clarify, I didn't do all of that in 2 weeks. This has been over the winter months. The last 2 weeks I was pushing to finish the floor in one bedroom, and to start and try to finish the hallway. I still needs to do the hallway floor, but it was too hot today and already gave myself heat exhaustion. Aside from the remaining closets all washing and painting is now done though. Two closets still need washed, but they need emptied first. I considered sharing some before/after photos, but the house was/is a disaster - I am working on cleaning from top floor down.
Me195
Extraordinary
My god man, you certainly have been through it. I know this is going to sound hokey or even disingenuous coming from some rando on the internet, but it is true nonetheless. I may have only caught a small glimpse of your life over the years, but there is an overarching theme that is plain to see from outside looking in that is easily missed from the inside looking out. That is perseverance. I have seen you pushed down the mountain so many times. Everytime you eventually start pushing the boulder back up the mountain. I have come to admire that about you. You are human you fall, you get overwhelmed, and even give up but you have always start again, and I hope you always will. I know cognitive dissonance will try to twist my words into something they're not. It is just a complimentary truth. The kind that all too often goes unspoken in society for fear of misunderstanding.
No worries, I think I got your intent. My self sabotage cognitive dissonance algorithms are waiting for the moment they can inflict the most damage on my life before they trigger.
This is what I was forced to move into and deal with. Only posting a couple photos, but this is representative of every room in the house. If this looks overwhelming, try to imagine how much worse it is with clinical depression waking up to this every day and having efforts constantly obstructed by probate court.
This is typical of what I had to get through before I could clean or paint any walls:
The walls as I am cleaning them:
This should also put into context my various posts wher I mention things like "No room to really set up a workspace", "No place to put a new computer if I bought one", "No place really conducive to creative work".
Me195
Extraordinary
That's pretty much how I imagined it looked like. I can empathize. When I had to clean up and repair my parents house after they died it looked a lot like that in every room. It took me a couple years to finish, and I didn't have it as rough as you do. You having to live in the house while your fixing it up makes it a lot harder, and I don't think I would have finished if I had to deal with clinical depression on top of it all. Despite all of it you seem to be still getting it done. I just wish the probate court wasn't jumping in and making it that much more difficult. I never would have guessed that Massachusetts courts were that bad. I hope that when it's all said and done you will be able to get back to your creative work.
@Me195 There was a time, when I was younger, I used to be so proud to have been a son of Massachusetts. When I was young there was a fierce sense of patriotism, pride, and liberty here. I held onto it tightly through the storms and trials in Ohio, and I was honestly looking foreward to returning to my home soil...
This is not the Massachusetts I left. I hate it here. Rife with corruption and graft. The courts and lawyers are horrible. The state and city government happily tramples on peoples rights because they know you wont find a lawyer to challenge them or a court to rule against them. They also hate "outsiders" and are treating me as such because I had moved to Ohio for 30 years.
If I could afford it and had some place to go, I would leave. Everything I have left is tied up in this house now...
This is not the Massachusetts I left. I hate it here. Rife with corruption and graft. The courts and lawyers are horrible. The state and city government happily tramples on peoples rights because they know you wont find a lawyer to challenge them or a court to rule against them. They also hate "outsiders" and are treating me as such because I had moved to Ohio for 30 years.
If I could afford it and had some place to go, I would leave. Everything I have left is tied up in this house now...
Me195
Extraordinary
That is a real shame. It's amazing how quickly things can change especially for the worst. The sad thing is that I hear that same sentiment all the time. I'm left wondering what happened to all of these great places.
I'll never understand people in positions of power that exploit the people who gave them that power. I mean I know it happens almost every time, I just can't imagine desiring to do that.
You are definitely in a tricky situation. I just hope something finally gives in your favor and you can find some place peaculf to live. A place to reest is an essential part of a person's wellbeing both mental and physical.