I am SO glad you're back!

[Rokket]

I'll consider it a critique if you tell me that you wanted to keep reading. If you get to the last page and are wanting more, then I succeeded. If you can't turn the page, then that's another critique.

And I'll upload the fixed version, but I already started writing chapter ten. Things are about to get really sticky.

I'll wait for a couple more people to chime in, and then I'll upload the 'fixed' version a bit later today.

 

[Terre]

I was hoping you would be that sort of proof reader Miss B. All authors need people who can do that. All I've been doing is pming Rokkett as I find errors. I doubt I caught everything, my mind has a tendency to insert what it knows should be there.

 

[Terre]

I'm on chapter eight and so far I'm interested in seeing what comes next.

 

[Miss B]

All I've been doing is pming Rokkett as I find errors. I doubt I caught everything, my mind has a tendency to insert what it knows should be there.

Oh I can't tell you how many times I have to re-read something because it didn't make sense, and then I realize I read a word or name wrong. Drives me crazy.

 

[Rokket]

That's good that you are on chapter 8 and want to keep reading, Terre. I know that a lot of what keeps people interested in the story is if it's properly written. A good story can suffer from poor grammar, spelling errors and the lot. I know there are a lot of those in this story. I am just hoping it doesn't make it fall flat. I can already see certain scenes that I will be rewriting when I get to the second draft. I am making notes about them now.

Edited...

 

[Rokket]

Oh I can't tell you how many times I have to re-read something because it didn't make sense, and then I realize I read a word or name wrong. Drives me crazy.

Oooh, if I had a nickel....

 

[Terre]

What bothers me more than poor writing style is goofs that just a little research would have fixed.
There is a popular adventure author that I have only purchased one book by and that one will be the only one. He was delving into archaeology and linguistics and made several BAD mistakes:
1) A detailed star map and lots of writing isn't sufficient for anyone to start to figure out the meanings of the writing other than the word-symbol-combinations for the stars that are actually labeled.
2) "E" is NOT the most commonly written letter in all languages, that is a rule for figuring out codes that are written in English.
3) Someone who assumes that all writing systems that use individual sounds to write words will have the same order as the Roman alphabet looks like someone who didn't any attention in school (The Greek alphabet which is the parent of the Roman one isn't A B C all the way to Z it is Alpha Beta GAMMA all the way to OMEGA!) and Phoenician cuneiform has a different order again despite being where the Greeks got the idea for creating their alphabet.
Yet somehow a member of the hero's team and the bad guys both figured out how to both read and speak a language that had gone extinct many millennia ago.
That pile of fail really turned me off from his writing.

Rokket has only one thing that even comes close to that and is doesn't really bother me because this is a super hero universe so the laws of physics will be a bit different by definition. If he chooses to change it, fine. If not then it's not a big deal.

 

[Rokket]

What bothers me more than poor writing style is goofs that just a little research would have fixed.
There is a popular adventure author that I have only purchased one book by and that one will be the only one. He was delving into archaeology and linguistics and made several BAD mistakes:
1) A detailed star map and lots of writing isn't sufficient for anyone to start to figure out the meanings of the writing other than the word-symbol-combinations for the stars that are actually labeled.
2) "E" is NOT the most commonly written letter in all languages, that is a rule for figuring out codes that are written in English.
3) Someone who assumes that all writing systems that use individual sounds to write words will have the same order as the Roman alphabet looks like someone who didn't any attention in school (The Greek alphabet which is the parent of the Roman one isn't A B C all the way to Z it is Alpha Beta GAMMA all the way to OMEGA!) and Phoenician cuneiform has a different order again despite being where the Greeks got the idea for creating their alphabet.
Yet somehow a member of the hero's team and the bad guys both figured out how to both read and speak a language that had gone extinct many millennia ago.
That pile of fail really turned me off from his writing.

Rokket has only one thing that even comes close to that and is doesn't really bother me because this is a super hero universe so the laws of physics will be a bit different by definition. If he chooses to change it, fine. If not then it's not a big deal.

I know what you are talking about. I think I know how to solve it. That will be in the rewrite. I am going to rewrite the whole first chapter. Even I can't read it now. It's too vague and all over the place as far as trying to tell a story.

And if anyone else is curious to know, we are talking about how that meteorite got around my hero's neck. And how the planet it came from met its demise. I am going to change the supernova star idea into something else. I was going to have the planet core explode by that's so 1938....

 

[Miss B]

Oh, so then I can skip the rest of chapter one???

 

[Rokket]

Oh, so then I can skip the rest of chapter one???

Maybe I was overstating it a bit. I looked it over and it's really only the first page or so that I am going to rewrite. I am not going to start my book with a one word sentence that MS Word is calling a fragment. And I want the first part a little more clear. If you skip chapter one you will miss a very important plot point.

 

[Terre]

Oh, so then I can skip the rest of chapter one???

Nope.

 

[Terre]

Maybe I was overstating it a bit. I looked it over and it's really only the first page or so that I am going to rewrite. I am not going to start my book with a one word sentence that MS Word is calling a fragment. And I want the first part a little more clear. If you skip chapter one you will miss a very important plot point.

Yup. Don't want to skip that.

 

[Terre]

I know what you are talking about. I think I know how to solve it. That will be in the rewrite. I am going to rewrite the whole first chapter. Even I can't read it now. It's too vague and all over the place as far as trying to tell a story.

And if anyone else is curious to know, we are talking about how that meteorite got around my hero's neck. And how the planet it came from met its demise. I am going to change the supernova star idea into something else. I was going to have the planet core explode by that's so 1938....

Since this is something that has appeared in comics for nearly 80 years staying with that could be excused as following tradition.

 

[Rokket]

Since this is something that has appeared in comics for nearly 80 years staying with that could be excused as following tradition.

Not when I want to be as original as possible. There are no new origin stories out there. Since comic book superheroes have been around for almost 100 years, it's all been done before. The really great origin stories have been built upon since the original inception and have become canon. So in order to be somewhat original, I don't want someone pointing out that Krypton's core is what caused the planet to explode. I will figure it out after some much needed research on super novas.

 

[Miss B]

Maybe I was overstating it a bit. I looked it over and it's really only the first page or so that I am going to rewrite. I am not going to start my book with a one word sentence that MS Word is calling a fragment. And I want the first part a little more clear. If you skip chapter one you will miss a very important plot point.

OK, will plod along.

 

[Rokket]

OK, will plod along.

That almost makes it sound like work...

 

[Miss B]

No, not really. I just have to find time here and there to sit down and read. I can't just skim through it all at once.

 

[Rae134]

That was my plan, just to plod thru, didn't work, I finished it in a couple of hours (inbetween a couple of other things) and want more

 

[Rokket]

I will get there as soon as I clean up the first part!

I am planning on writing act two as a separate file and then combining it after it's cleaned up too.

 

[Rokket]

There are still a couple of people who haven't chimed in. As soon as they do, I'll fix whatever is left to be fixed and get started on ACT TWO, which will be a new file. I am also going to add page numbers to the story so it's easy later on for editing purposes. I should have done that before....