McGyver
Energetic
My wife is from India and her maiden name was rather long and baffling to most people.
She has a pet peeve that people can't pronounce her name, which is actually very easy to pronounce and spell...
Sort of..
Her name has an "A" that should be pronounced like a "U" and it all sounds like "Rush-me" (means "rays of the sun" in Hindi)...
Which she is okay with people getting wrong when they read it.
It's only six letters and the "a" throws people off.
But what really bugs her is when she tell them her name and they immediately start adding extra letters to it...
For some reason most people will immediately change it to rashimeme, rushimani, rashee, rushkamadi... It's different every time... Take "Rush" and add any random combination of letters to that...
Don't be shy, the more and more random the better.
She'll meet someone and they will say "Hi, I'm Joe... And your name is?" And she will say "I'm Rush-me" (I'm just going with the phonetics here)...
And they will pause and say "Oh, nice to meet you Rashyeema"... To which she will smile and say "it's Rush-me... Like "don't rush me"... Ha-ha.. "
And they will say "oh sorry, nice to meet you Reetsmooukulelefizzgigsnortwaggle"...
The sound of her teeth grinding while she tries to smile can be quite overwhelming sometimes.
She doesn't have an Indian accent or anything... If anything, when I first met her she had a slight proper British accent, but I ruined that years ago...
And I taught her how to curse too.
I'm quite proud of that too.. Except for the fact that she curses adorably, and I was shooting for either "innovatively" or "creatively"...
No, she speaks New Yorker now, but most people can't get past the "Rush..." before they start adding "...bullwinklesippycupdinklewart" in their head as she is still saying "...me".
Never mind what used to happen to her maiden name...
Which surprisingly I spelled correctly the first time I tried...
And not on paper... verbally.
Somehow, I who couldn't win a spelling bee based on three letter words, correctly spelled her last name when she said "I bet you can't spell my last name"....
And I never got credit for it... All I got was a "Hmm... That was a lucky guess..."
Granted, she had known me for two months, driven numerous places with me, one of which was almost into Long Island Sound (the body of water, not the 80s Techno-punk band) and had been to a Fourth of July celebration where I used "fireworks".... So it's understandable she questioned that.
To this day I still don't know why she married me... She is such a calm, reasonable and logical person...
Maybe it was the spelling her last name correctly and never messing up her first name...?
Either way, I lucked out... Poor kid.
The funny thing to me, besides her trying to curse, is although my name isn't the most common, people constantly mess my name up too...
Not just misspelling it, not understanding it...
Where do you get "Paul" from "Victor"?
There aren't any similar letters in that... I'd get "Paulto" or "Vaul"... even "Vole"...
Recently I bought some tires for the van and one of the tire guys was filling out some paper and asked my name...
(It'll flow better this way)...
Tire Guy: Your name?
Me: Victor... Cook...
Tire Guy: Brooke?
Me: No? Victor, Cook...
Tire Guy: Uh, no... Your first name...
Me: Oh... Victor...
Tire Guy: No, first name...
Me: That is my first name... Victor...
Tire Guy: Fredrick?
Me: Fre...what? No, Victor, like "Vic", just put down "Vic"...
Tire Guy: Nick... Okay, last name...
Me: No... Vic, with a "V", not nick with an "n"... Vvvvvv Vic!
Tire Guy: Sorry, Vinny... Last name...
Me: No, V-I-C-T-O-R... Victor...
Tire Guy: Oh! Sorry... ( writes something down )... Last name?
Me: Cook... C-O-O-K...
Tire Guy: Okay... Is that with an "e"?
Me: No, just C-O-O-K... No "e"...
Tire Guy: Okay, sorry about that... And which car...
(So... About 45 minutes later in the waiting area)
Tire Guy 2: Brooke... Hector Booke?
Me: Victor... Victor Cook...
Tire Guy 2: No... (Looks back at paper, scans empty seats next to me for invisible customers)... Hector...
Me: No... Victor, not Hector... How many other people are here? It's just me... Black van, right?
Tire Guy 2: Hmm (looking at paper, then me, then holding clipboard, he takes a pen out and crosses something out and corrects my name)... Okay... You're all ready...
When I go to the register to pay, Tire Guy 3 is very puzzled... This was at a big Club Store and I paid online ahead of time so when I hand the guy my membership card he looks at the invoice very puzzled... Looks at my card... Looks at me... Looks back at invoice...
Tire Guy 3: Who is Paul Brooke...?
Me: Apparently my alias today... No, it's VICTOR COOK... Just like the card says... Just like the online order should say...
Tire Guy 3: (frowns at invoice and has a small epiphany) Ooooh, I see.... Hector Brooke... (Long pause).... (Still looking at invoice)... Why did he write "Paul?"... Ah, that's probably Rumpford...
I'm assuming it was "Rumpford" because his name was probably Stanley or Jebediah or something that sounds absolutely nothing like Rumpford, because as far as I could tell, names didn't really work the way they were meant to over there....
Actually when I looked at the invoice, the color and make of the vehicle were wrong too...
Somehow the right tires found their way onto my vehicle... I made the guy fix the invoice, but I suspect that the lady who left before me who probably was temporarily renamed Philomena Von Bandersnatch, rode off with monster truck tires on her little Kia.... Maybe it was Opposite Day, or National Leave Your Brain at Home Day or everyone was having a Snickers moment, but that is always happening to me...
I don't have a lisp, I try and speak clearly as long as I'm not on fire, yet people can't seem to get my name right.
I try to reason it this way...
People are just stupid and have short attention spans...
I probably could have phrased that kinder, but that's the best I can do.
I like people, but...
Actually I don't, but I sort of do... They are like bunny rabbits... Sometimes they are nice, but sometimes they can be really annoying...
It's like as if you were taking a shower and opened up the shower curtain and suddenly there were 753 rabbits in your bathroom... They would still be cute, but it would be really annoying to have to try and get out of the shower without stepping on one of them or one of their little chocolate jelly beans, which would really stick to your wet foot, not to mention there would definitely be one or two surly ones who would try and bite your toes, and it goes without saying that at least one would have managed to drown itself in the toilet before you noticed them (good luck unclogging that) and you could only imagine how many would be actively engaged in carnal relations, trying to make even more bunny rabbits.... realistically it's conceivable that given a small enough narrow, but long bathroom, that even the nicest person trying to navigate their way through the bunny nuggets and humpy-bumpy funky bunny love, they might just start getting a bit stompy as they progressed through the crowd...
So in that way people are like bunny rabbits...
But bigger and they are allowed to drive cars.
One or two here and there and they can be quite cute... But if you put 753 of them in your bathroom, especially if they have been eating cabbage, you are looking at a bad situation...
I don't know if I was talking about people or bunnies in that last sentence, but either way please don't be offended...
As far as I can tell none of you are bunnies and none of you have been in my shower farting up the place...
That's what the cabbage reference was about...
I put the iPad down to answer the phone right before I started using the bunny example and I totally forgot what I was getting at...
On the plus side for me, whatever the hell I started writing about distracted me long enough to forget I was having a crappy day and was in an even crappier mood...
Since early November I've been feeling very... I think the technical term is "Pissed off every stinking day"... And I constantly have to find ways of distracting myself to prevent me from ripping my head off and throwing it at someone... Mainly the TV, radio or someone factually impaired...
Lately, even though my brain is rather small and quite vestigial, it's becoming hard to have one and not be grumpy...
So, sorry if I make long posts here or I seem to have wacky mood swings or I forget to wear pants... Actually that's more for the people at the grocery store, but either way sometimes just writing is distracting a little....
Just enough...
Hopefully maybe I string together enough random words and it reads as something humorous and someone else finds a bit of distraction in their annoying day.
Thanks for having patience with my obnoxious writing.
She has a pet peeve that people can't pronounce her name, which is actually very easy to pronounce and spell...
Sort of..
Her name has an "A" that should be pronounced like a "U" and it all sounds like "Rush-me" (means "rays of the sun" in Hindi)...
Which she is okay with people getting wrong when they read it.
It's only six letters and the "a" throws people off.
But what really bugs her is when she tell them her name and they immediately start adding extra letters to it...
For some reason most people will immediately change it to rashimeme, rushimani, rashee, rushkamadi... It's different every time... Take "Rush" and add any random combination of letters to that...
Don't be shy, the more and more random the better.
She'll meet someone and they will say "Hi, I'm Joe... And your name is?" And she will say "I'm Rush-me" (I'm just going with the phonetics here)...
And they will pause and say "Oh, nice to meet you Rashyeema"... To which she will smile and say "it's Rush-me... Like "don't rush me"... Ha-ha.. "
And they will say "oh sorry, nice to meet you Reetsmooukulelefizzgigsnortwaggle"...
The sound of her teeth grinding while she tries to smile can be quite overwhelming sometimes.
She doesn't have an Indian accent or anything... If anything, when I first met her she had a slight proper British accent, but I ruined that years ago...
And I taught her how to curse too.
I'm quite proud of that too.. Except for the fact that she curses adorably, and I was shooting for either "innovatively" or "creatively"...
No, she speaks New Yorker now, but most people can't get past the "Rush..." before they start adding "...bullwinklesippycupdinklewart" in their head as she is still saying "...me".
Never mind what used to happen to her maiden name...
Which surprisingly I spelled correctly the first time I tried...
And not on paper... verbally.
Somehow, I who couldn't win a spelling bee based on three letter words, correctly spelled her last name when she said "I bet you can't spell my last name"....
And I never got credit for it... All I got was a "Hmm... That was a lucky guess..."
Granted, she had known me for two months, driven numerous places with me, one of which was almost into Long Island Sound (the body of water, not the 80s Techno-punk band) and had been to a Fourth of July celebration where I used "fireworks".... So it's understandable she questioned that.
To this day I still don't know why she married me... She is such a calm, reasonable and logical person...
Maybe it was the spelling her last name correctly and never messing up her first name...?
Either way, I lucked out... Poor kid.
The funny thing to me, besides her trying to curse, is although my name isn't the most common, people constantly mess my name up too...
Not just misspelling it, not understanding it...
Where do you get "Paul" from "Victor"?
There aren't any similar letters in that... I'd get "Paulto" or "Vaul"... even "Vole"...
Recently I bought some tires for the van and one of the tire guys was filling out some paper and asked my name...
(It'll flow better this way)...
Tire Guy: Your name?
Me: Victor... Cook...
Tire Guy: Brooke?
Me: No? Victor, Cook...
Tire Guy: Uh, no... Your first name...
Me: Oh... Victor...
Tire Guy: No, first name...
Me: That is my first name... Victor...
Tire Guy: Fredrick?
Me: Fre...what? No, Victor, like "Vic", just put down "Vic"...
Tire Guy: Nick... Okay, last name...
Me: No... Vic, with a "V", not nick with an "n"... Vvvvvv Vic!
Tire Guy: Sorry, Vinny... Last name...
Me: No, V-I-C-T-O-R... Victor...
Tire Guy: Oh! Sorry... ( writes something down )... Last name?
Me: Cook... C-O-O-K...
Tire Guy: Okay... Is that with an "e"?
Me: No, just C-O-O-K... No "e"...
Tire Guy: Okay, sorry about that... And which car...
(So... About 45 minutes later in the waiting area)
Tire Guy 2: Brooke... Hector Booke?
Me: Victor... Victor Cook...
Tire Guy 2: No... (Looks back at paper, scans empty seats next to me for invisible customers)... Hector...
Me: No... Victor, not Hector... How many other people are here? It's just me... Black van, right?
Tire Guy 2: Hmm (looking at paper, then me, then holding clipboard, he takes a pen out and crosses something out and corrects my name)... Okay... You're all ready...
When I go to the register to pay, Tire Guy 3 is very puzzled... This was at a big Club Store and I paid online ahead of time so when I hand the guy my membership card he looks at the invoice very puzzled... Looks at my card... Looks at me... Looks back at invoice...
Tire Guy 3: Who is Paul Brooke...?
Me: Apparently my alias today... No, it's VICTOR COOK... Just like the card says... Just like the online order should say...
Tire Guy 3: (frowns at invoice and has a small epiphany) Ooooh, I see.... Hector Brooke... (Long pause).... (Still looking at invoice)... Why did he write "Paul?"... Ah, that's probably Rumpford...
I'm assuming it was "Rumpford" because his name was probably Stanley or Jebediah or something that sounds absolutely nothing like Rumpford, because as far as I could tell, names didn't really work the way they were meant to over there....
Actually when I looked at the invoice, the color and make of the vehicle were wrong too...
Somehow the right tires found their way onto my vehicle... I made the guy fix the invoice, but I suspect that the lady who left before me who probably was temporarily renamed Philomena Von Bandersnatch, rode off with monster truck tires on her little Kia.... Maybe it was Opposite Day, or National Leave Your Brain at Home Day or everyone was having a Snickers moment, but that is always happening to me...
I don't have a lisp, I try and speak clearly as long as I'm not on fire, yet people can't seem to get my name right.
I try to reason it this way...
People are just stupid and have short attention spans...
I probably could have phrased that kinder, but that's the best I can do.
I like people, but...
Actually I don't, but I sort of do... They are like bunny rabbits... Sometimes they are nice, but sometimes they can be really annoying...
It's like as if you were taking a shower and opened up the shower curtain and suddenly there were 753 rabbits in your bathroom... They would still be cute, but it would be really annoying to have to try and get out of the shower without stepping on one of them or one of their little chocolate jelly beans, which would really stick to your wet foot, not to mention there would definitely be one or two surly ones who would try and bite your toes, and it goes without saying that at least one would have managed to drown itself in the toilet before you noticed them (good luck unclogging that) and you could only imagine how many would be actively engaged in carnal relations, trying to make even more bunny rabbits.... realistically it's conceivable that given a small enough narrow, but long bathroom, that even the nicest person trying to navigate their way through the bunny nuggets and humpy-bumpy funky bunny love, they might just start getting a bit stompy as they progressed through the crowd...
So in that way people are like bunny rabbits...
But bigger and they are allowed to drive cars.
One or two here and there and they can be quite cute... But if you put 753 of them in your bathroom, especially if they have been eating cabbage, you are looking at a bad situation...
I don't know if I was talking about people or bunnies in that last sentence, but either way please don't be offended...
As far as I can tell none of you are bunnies and none of you have been in my shower farting up the place...
That's what the cabbage reference was about...
I put the iPad down to answer the phone right before I started using the bunny example and I totally forgot what I was getting at...
On the plus side for me, whatever the hell I started writing about distracted me long enough to forget I was having a crappy day and was in an even crappier mood...
Since early November I've been feeling very... I think the technical term is "Pissed off every stinking day"... And I constantly have to find ways of distracting myself to prevent me from ripping my head off and throwing it at someone... Mainly the TV, radio or someone factually impaired...
Lately, even though my brain is rather small and quite vestigial, it's becoming hard to have one and not be grumpy...
So, sorry if I make long posts here or I seem to have wacky mood swings or I forget to wear pants... Actually that's more for the people at the grocery store, but either way sometimes just writing is distracting a little....
Just enough...
Hopefully maybe I string together enough random words and it reads as something humorous and someone else finds a bit of distraction in their annoying day.
Thanks for having patience with my obnoxious writing.
