Wait… was it daylight and were the deer all sparkly?
Regardless, it’s definitely a wise choice to not venture into the woods anymore… you never know what might be lurking in there… it’s too early into 2022 to know if it’s going to be a less insane year than the previous few… Remember, we still haven’t gotten rid of the Murder Hornets and one never knows when a hive of Vampire Deer might hitch a ride in a shipment of persimmon…
Yes, Chinese Water Deer look adorable and technically they are not carnivores or professional blood sucking monsters (no reference to anyone in the legal sector), but really, just how long does anyone really think these adorable creatures will stay adorable until they realize they have huge fangs and that human blood is kinda delicious.
I‘m calling this one ahead of time… 2022 will be the year of the Murder Deer… I’m only calling them Murder Deer because I think Vampire Deer sounds less believable, even though I’m pretty sure they have vampire powers… look at that deer… look at that smug look of vampire-like confidence… he’s all like “You talkin‘ to me?”…
Never mind that limping fox… Definitely a lycanthrope… not as bad as a werewolf, but nobody needs to get bitten by a werefox and get all that silly werefox baggage… running around shirtless, being hot all the time, fighting your sworn rivals the vampire deer, but unfortunately only being three feet tall… definitely, you need to go wolf if you get bitten by a lycanthrope, and not something silly like a fox or dachshund.
And you absolutely need to avoid that stray rhinoceros… you did mention a rhinoceros, right… I feel like I read something about a rhinoceros up there… I dunno, I’m not scrolling up because I’m sure I’m remembering that correctly.
But either way you never know where those things have been… hanging around in dumpsters or drainage pipes or abandoned factories filled with radioactive waste… you get bitten by one of them and next thing you know you’ll become obsessed with defeating Spider-Man or something tedious like that.
In fact I’d avoid the yard as well… those squirrels are definitely up to no good… it’s just a given… they are squireels.
Nope, definitely a wise decision to avoid the woods (and the yard too) given the crazy levels of crazy of these past few years have delivered onto us all.