Late condolences as I only seen this thread. Sorry for your loss Robin, I pledge prayers tonight for Mary's soul and for you as well.
No, you're not alone, though none of us can know exactly what you're going through. But I suspect most of us here have lost people dear to them. Not always a spouse, but others close to us. I don't think it ever is easy.
People don't know what to say when there is loss...even those of us who've been there, partly because what comforts one person may upset another.
I have lost people as they and I have aged, but also had a lot of loss at a young age, before I was out of my teens.
I remember, like it was yesterday, when I was 11 and my dad died very suddenly, people telling my 13 year old brother and me that we had to be strong for our mother. They meant well.. they were trying to help. I remember my wise cousin, 5 years my senior, telling us, as I'll tell you, that amidst such loss, you don't have to be strong right now.
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean, Alisa. My daughter was 15 when her Dad died. And she just lost it.
In one sense, though, I had to be strong enough to keep her comforted and that did help me get through it. I just had no time to think about my own pain while I helped my daughter deal with hers.
While this kind of loss is hard for us all, it's especially hard for children to understand it at all - they just get lost in the pain.
And, yes, by the time his memorial service was done and all the well wishers went home, I was thrilled not to hear the platitudes any more. I know that folks meant well, but there were times when I truly wanted to scream "No, the better place is right here watching his daughter grow up."
Instead, we smile, offer our thanks for the well wishes, and scream silently inside.
I did figure out something that helped a co-worker a bit today. She lost her 44 year old favorite nephew to cancer around 2am on Monday and it occurred to me to point out that Monday is actually the third day after Good Friday so, although we in the US celebrate Easter on Sunday, the more correct day is Monday (as they do in Canada and Europe) and she did find the thought of him passing to Heaven on Easter to help a bit. It wouldn't have necessarily helped another person but I thought it might help her and I'm glad to have guessed right.
I understand you perfectly, Terre. This is the kind of thread when likes never quite make sense yet it's okay with me. Hornet and you are right. I am here if you need me is the perfect thing to say.I can see why, Hornet. That was a wise person.
"I am here if you need me." That is what I try to show but am not good at saying. Perhaps remembering this will help me get that concept across in the future.