Please note... If you are not feeling well, just skip over this post.
Before I write anything else, I want to insert the disclaimer that I did not read back any further than this page...
I was following the thread for a while, but I forgot at what point I stopped and I kept rereading the same pages and going "Wait... I read this already"...
So after a bit of not reading it for a while, I decided to just skip to the most recent page and then read backwards...
I suck at reading backwards...
One because it's hard to hold the iPad up in front of the mirror and scroll and whatnot...
And two, the fact that I have no reflection is really distracting...
Wait... That is me...
Yeesh... That's what I look like?...
Damn, I liked it better when I thought that was just some stray Sasquatch in the background...
Well, whatever...
Anyway... I don't recall you not having teeth, last I visited...
That sounds like at some point I snuck into your house and checked on your dental situation while you were sleeping...
I don't do those sort of things anymore as my persona of the "Phantom Dental Hygienist" was leading to me being bitten too much.
But I'm sorry to hear that and I didn't know...
Maybe I skipped over it or I refused to accept it or it's something that everyone but me knows about somehow...
But... Well... Actually...
How do I even know anyone else here has teeth...?
Carey openly admits he replaced his teeth with a Boston Terrier and who knows how many other people here are using pets and robotic chewing devices for mastication...
That means chewing...
Every time I say that word, people think I saying a different word and I'm accusing them of lewd behavior and that always leads to some sort of a scuffle...
But anyway...
For all I know everyone here can be toothless...
It's not like we talk about our dental health often...
Although, if you read stuff I write (I can't imagine why... It's really unhealthy and pointless and I don't recommend it), you may have noticed a few instances of me biting other creatures... People... But mainly, animals...
I admit I once bit a goat...
I have to say, uncooked goats taste absolutely horrible...
The goat deserved it because he had chomped down on my thumb and would stubbornly not let go and was twisting his head, and it was starting to hurt, so I did what I normally do when fighting with animals, and I bit him back...
I don't know what the hell this goat did to taste so bad or have such bad body odor, but whatever it was, he was master of it...
And he was gritty too... Plaagh...
Bad memories... It's like I can still taste it, if I think about it...
I can remember goat BO taste, but where the hell my keys are, who knows...
And to top it off, I get branded a goat biter because I bit one damn goat...
Now every time I see my friends whose stupid goat that is, they alway go "keep Victor away from the goats, he might be a Chupacabra"....(which honestly, is kind of prejudice against Chupacabras, because they also suck on sheep, chickens and pigs... But most people don't even know what Chupacabras are, so whatever)...
Their stupid goat bites everyone including their stupid elderly parents and their stupid neighbor's stupid kids and I'm labeled a goat biting Chupacabra for one incident...
And if you are thinking "it's not nice to be calling everyone stupid"...
I disagree... They keep getting bit, all of them and they DON'T bite the stupid goat back...
Maybe if they all got together and bit the hell out of Gruff (yes, that's his name) he'd learn something...
Probably not a lot, because he is a goat and goats have never been academically renowned, but maybe it would be to not bite everyone...
Then again maybe they enjoy being bitten or they are all weregoats now, who knows...
So if you get new teeth or anyone out there who is still reading this and has teeth sees a nice juicy goat at a petting zoo or goatatorium, just be aware that raw goats taste pretty awful.
I don't bite every animal back...
I got bit by a dolphin once and didn't bite her back...
And not just because they are so damn adorable and really slippery...
I just understood she was doing it playfully... the way dogs and rhinos do.
Never bite a rhino... Even the small ones...
I've never bitten a rhinoceros, but I think it's kind of self explanatory why that's not a good idea... Lions too...
Actually there are a lot of animals that you are better off not biting unless they are fully cooked.
I just didn't want people (I'm assuming people read this, but if cats or pigs are reading this too... One: why? And Two: good for you learning how to read!)...
But I didn't want people to get all curious about what biting raw animals is like and going around willy-nilly biting and tasting all sorts of wildlife that might not appreciate being bitten...
Dogs and dolphins are okay with it if you don't bite too hard, because that's how they play, but if you go and even give a little love nibble to a Bengal tiger or grizzly bear and you are opening up a whole world of pain...
Actually grizzlies also play bite, but there is a fine line between playing and being eaten, so it's better just to avoid that.
But anyway... Sorry to hear that you are not currently in possession of teeth or a suitable Boston Terrier...
By the way, Carey... I like that idea about the chewer dog... You should look into training chewing dogs for other people who don't have or want dentures... It could be a good side business or at least a huge disaster with a good tax write off...
But anyway Lyne, I hope you are feeling better...
I know that seems hard to believe, what with me writing stuff (which is one of the top ten things the surgeon general is always ranting about like smoking, cobra snogging and chainsaw juggling)... But I really do hope you feel better...
So if you actually were reckless enough to read this nonsense, you should probably go take a rest now or rinse your eyeballs in Epsom salt or something...
Get well, achieve a higher level of health or at least feel better...
Later, alligator.
Bye the way... I'm not implying you are a very large carnivorous North American reptile, I'm just playfully signing off and I think my "Laterz", "Cheers and Beers" and "Ba-Buy" we're getting tired and overused.
See ya.
Actually, just your avatar...
Bye.