Depression or celebrating life?

[Lyne]

I rested my cursor on the main topic The Meadow and noted it said something about dropping in to celebrate life and share our journey? Hmmm... I am admitting something here, that I normally keep to myself, but someone else mentioned having this battle, and then even Chris admitted he battles it too....sooo... here I go, trying to admit it "aloud" ....

There is always something health wise to take me away from art... truth be told, I've been very UN-inspired lately...it's hard to finish the art I have been working on.... my heart just isn't in it. Maybe if and when the puppies come out?! sigh. (yes I've been doing my "Hilda art" lately, but it takes a LONG time to finish each piece...and right now I've been trying to even WANT to finish my current Dawn centaur piece)....

I am enjoying a very good (new to me) season of Madam Secretary on DVD... but it's interesting to note that each disc is taking twice as long to watch, as I keep falling asleep and backing it up....

I really do think I'm depressed. I wish I was my old enthusiastic self, but seems like that part of me has taken a leave of absence for way too long now. I hardly remember her.

PS I feel I haven't been commenting on other's art much too, and for this I apologize! I do LOOK at all the art and enjoy all the artist's efforts here, but I tend more to "lurk" than be too active.

 

[LisaB]

Thanks for sharing, Lyne. You are not alone. I think in posting what you did here, you ARE celebrating life. It just so happens that right now 'depression' is at the forefront in your life. It is a good thing to have the awareness that something just isn't quite right.

Ups and downs and everything in between are ALL part of life. We don't have to wait until everything is on the 'up' side to celebrate. We can also find ways to be in grateful celebration for the the little things that lift us when we are feeling 'down'. Celebrate your wins, however small. "I got out of bed today." is a 'win' on some days and "I posted my finished art today" on others.

I have noticed that it's not only me. A lot of people around me seem to be feeling the same 'loss of enthusiasm' you've described. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you can at the moment.

 

[Janet]

I was there last year at the end of winter. Getting out and working on my gardens helped.

I love you Hilde art! Heck I love everything you do!

Hope you feel better soon.

I think there's a connection between being artistic and depression. I learned in college psych class there's supposed to be a lot of comedians who suffer from depression - if anything telling jokes is a way to get away from it.

 

[Rowan54]

I'm having a slump with art myself....am re-reading old diaries, getting other non-art projects done. Including gardening, cleaning stuff that doesn't get cleaned often (storage cupboards -- you know).
Someone I knew used to say that "resistance has meaning". Like if you're resisting it, walk away for awhile, do something else. Look at it again, see why you're resisting it. For me, frequently, when I take breaks from art, its because "the well of artistic creativity is dry" and I need to wait for it to refill.
I also am working on other types of creativity. (Like music.) They tend to refill each other's wells.

 

[Lyne]

Thank you both so much... I've had to deal with increased asthma/congestion (I'm not sick, it's just the usual, but worse) and suddenly being canceled by my home-owner's insurance, scrambling to find a new one....(all because of TWO claims for plumbing, I had to get my plumbing co. to send the documents to my insurance agent re: I had the whole house re-piped) and now got a cancelation from the NEW company?!?! (found out it's because of no signatures for the new 'binder' - policy, but they wanted "e-signatures" and I just WON'T do anything like that on line, I do not trust web mail's or on line stuff!) - it's not all 'due' till Oct. 30th too! I JUST got the funds and sent hard copies and checks to my agent...and am TRYING to relax after this latest stress... so I GUESS I can 'celebrate' that I have kept at it- to get this taken care of in spite of my lethargy!? But it's so SO unrewarding... I won't really relax until I get the insurance in place and proof sent to my mortgage co.!

I'm 'picking' at my lady centaur...but now, today I have SO MANY food chores, grocery delivery, etc. to do...there is just no time to do more.... YET. sigh.

 

[Lyne]

Thanks, Rowan... just have too much to do and it's all overwhelming...I'm the ONLY one who can care for me, my food needs, etc... because of my health limitations...also increased PAIN is dragging me down... I tend to forget that pain can cause depression too. (I'm working with doctor trying to figure out new medication schedule, but I HATE taking that stuff...but have to...etc.) and on it goes.

 

[Rowan54]

just have too much to do and it's all overwhelming

Been there, done that. Understand completely. I'm also one with limited and complex diets. (Allergies & sensitivities....argh)

 

[LisaB]

Some helpful wisdom from Prince EA

 

[Janet]

Wow! Excellent video. It all sounded like common sense but I saw some serious physiology in there as well.

 

[Rae134]

I know exactly what you are going trough, happens to me on a semi-regular basis (actually has been a bit better in the last couple of years since my surgery).

I haven't done any art in months, partly lack of drive and partly computer has been playing up.

 

[Hornet3d]

I hate to say I suffer from depression because what I go through is mild compared with others who suffer. I have what a call a down phase on a regular basis, at such times I cannot see a purpose in life and I really have to push myself to just cope with a normal day. My art generally stops either because I have no ideas or just no desire to switch the computer on. I don't generally tell people because I cannot explain why I feel like I do, there seems to be no trigger mechanism either that or I am not aware of it. I come through after a period, usually after a few days but again there is no trigger, nothing has changed in my life to explain what happened. Life might even be going great for me but still my spirit goes low, then again life can be very tough but it does not trigger the change.

 

[Rae134]

Its probably chemical Hornet as with most cases of depression. Its one of the reasons I hate very much when people say "you don't have anything to be sad about" or "its not that bad, get over yourself", they seem to think its something you can control but its not (without drugs anyway).

 

[Stezza]

yep.. I admit it, I'm one of those people.. I still don't understand and I try hard to everyday.. I guess I'm a ying to someone's yang ..

I think it's as hard for me to understand as it is for people to understand me that doesn't understand them if you know what I mean...

I do get confused though sometimes

 

[Hornet3d]

Its probably chemical Hornet as with most cases of depression. Its one of the reasons I hate very much when people say "you don't have anything to be sad about" or "its not that bad, get over yourself", they seem to think its something you can control but its not (without drugs anyway).

I think you are probably right on the chemical theory, particularly as I am on so many different tablets for my diabetes. It was not something I suffered from to any degree in my younger years which is a surprise because, while I think I have been very lucky in life, I am at a far more comfortable position now than I ever was when I was younger. Despite the aches and pains that come with old age the fact that the mortgage is payed off and the pension is a steady income so you don't have to worry about being short any month you were too ill to work all make life a little more easier to cope with.

 

[Hornet3d]

yep.. I admit it, I'm one of those people.. I still don't understand and I try hard to everyday.. I guess I'm a ying to someone's yang ..

I think it's as hard for me to understand as it is for people to understand me that doesn't understand them if you know what I mean...

I do get confused though sometimes

When I was a volunteer on a telephone support line a large proportion of the calls were form people with depression. It is one of the reasons I know that, despite my mood swings, I am lucky and I don't really regard is as depression, certainly not compared with how others suffer. I struggled for a long time on how to best support people who were suffering and then I saw a short cartoon that really opened my eyes. The first picture was of a person at the bottom of a deep dark hole with someone at the top looking down. The next picture was the person at the top walking back to the hole having found a ladder, the next the ladder in the hole and the last depicted the person from the top sat next to the person in the hole having climbed down the ladder. To me it said if you put the ladder in the hole and expect the person to climb up it is like saying to someone who is depressed, pull yourself together. Far better to climb in and be with them, you may not be able to understand but to some degree at least you can share their darkness.

 

[Lyne]

Wow! I carefully read ALL your posts! So much to take in... but most of all I DON'T FEEL SO ALONE... that "seems silly" but I know it's OK, because...well, it's kinda like going to a group of some sort (like AA or the one I went to- for co-dependence) and it's HUGE to HEAR what other's say, even if it's almost the same thing I would say...it's totally the I'M NOT ALONE, that helps SO much!!!

I do know my depression is BOTH chemical at times and psychological other times.... (maybe both at the same time?!) ....the chemical is something I guess I'm lucky enough to "sense"....and know it's not for any reason outside me...it's like a pain I just have to put up with...the psychological is harder to handle, (or to do something about) in that it comes from SUCH a damaged childhood, it may always be with me...that's when I apply Lisa's words: be gentle with yourself. (not that I am not in other depression situations).... living like I do, the isolation is very real - and that's what you all HELP me with SO much!

Thank you all.... SO MUCH!

I'm not over it...but I am pointing out to myself 'hey, you DID do this and this and this today, good for you....so I'm better for that...again, due to your reminders!

MORE: !!

 

[Miss B]

I'm not over it...but I am pointing out to myself 'hey, you DID do this and this and this today, good for you....so I'm better for that...again, due to your reminders!

Glad to hear you're working things out Lyne. Life isn't easy for anyone, but some folks seem to get hit harder than others, so any time you can see the good you've accomplished during the day, will help you rest easier at night.

 

[Hornet3d]

Wow! I carefully read ALL your posts! So much to take in... but most of all I DON'T FEEL SO ALONE... that "seems silly" but I know it's OK, because...well, it's kinda like going to a group of some sort (like AA or the one I went to- for co-dependence) and it's HUGE to HEAR what other's say, even if it's almost the same thing I would say...it's totally the I'M NOT ALONE, that helps SO much!!!

I do know my depression is BOTH chemical at times and psychological other times.... (maybe both at the same time?!) ....the chemical is something I guess I'm lucky enough to "sense"....and know it's not for any reason outside me...it's like a pain I just have to put up with...the psychological is harder to handle, (or to do something about) in that it comes from SUCH a damaged childhood, it may always be with me...that's when I apply Lisa's words: be gentle with yourself. (not that I am not in other depression situations).... living like I do, the isolation is very real - and that's what you all HELP me with SO much!

Thank you all.... SO MUCH!

I'm not over it...but I am pointing out to myself 'hey, you DID do this and this and this today, good for you....so I'm better for that...again, due to your reminders!

MORE: !!

Nothing silly in finding out you are not alone not only does that give some sort of support it also means there are other people who can understand what you are going through, at least to some degree. I thin being understood is a basic human need even more so if you feel you are having to fight your own demons.

I am so glad that you do not feel quite so alone because clearly you are not. As I said in a earlier post I think my depression, if you can even use that term, is mild and probably triggered chemically. Whatever the cause I have no warning, I can feel on top of the world one morning and a few hours later struggle to find anything good in life. I am on a large number of tablets but they are the same every day and because of a bad case of food poisoning many years ago has left me sensitive to some foods my meals tend to stay much the same. While it was often a struggle there is nothing in my past I can blame my moods on and for the most part I think I have been very lucky in life but still I get the mood swings and while only by a small amount I think the trend is for them to get worse, certainly the trend has been that way for the last few years.

 

[Hornet3d]

Wow! I carefully read ALL your posts! So much to take in... but most of all I DON'T FEEL SO ALONE... that "seems silly" but I know it's OK, because...well, it's kinda like going to a group of some sort (like AA or the one I went to- for co-dependence) and it's HUGE to HEAR what other's say, even if it's almost the same thing I would say...it's totally the I'M NOT ALONE, that helps SO much!!!

I do know my depression is BOTH chemical at times and psychological other times.... (maybe both at the same time?!) ....the chemical is something I guess I'm lucky enough to "sense"....and know it's not for any reason outside me...it's like a pain I just have to put up with...the psychological is harder to handle, (or to do something about) in that it comes from SUCH a damaged childhood, it may always be with me...that's when I apply Lisa's words: be gentle with yourself. (not that I am not in other depression situations).... living like I do, the isolation is very real - and that's what you all HELP me with SO much!

Thank you all.... SO MUCH!

I'm not over it...but I am pointing out to myself 'hey, you DID do this and this and this today, good for you....so I'm better for that...again, due to your reminders!

MORE: !!

I forgot to comment of your second point but I find it so interesting that you point out to yourself where you have done well as I do that all the time. It what I regard as counting the small victories, like if I am feeling low and not keen on doing anything if I can force myself to get up and take the dog for a walk I think I have won. Same if I feel really ill but still make a planned trip, I see it as a challenge and it does pick me up a little if I succeed in completing the trip. Of course some of the challenges I set myself can sometimes be a step to far but on the whole if I can convince myself the day has not been totally wasted it helps.

 

[AnimaGemini]

@Lyne
You are not alone with this. It happens, that I just come out of my uninspired time 2-3 months ago.
Not the first time where I just can not create anything. Begin a lot, finish nothing. But I think this is a normal process in every artists live. My suggestion, never force your to "create" something.
Will never work, at last it worked never for me.
So I let go and recharge my batteries. I have a very deep love for the nature and animals. Each time I feel down, I hit the road for a long walk in the forest with my dog.Sometimes i sit for hours on my favorite spots
and enjoy the beauty of the nature. Listen to birds, the wind, feel the sun on my face. This makes me feel alive.
And day for day, i feel how my inspiration comes back, how the black clouds disappear.
Wish you quick recovery and take care of your self.