• Welcome to the new Community Forums at HiveWire 3D! Please note that for security purposes our store and forum are on two separate servers so you will require a separate login for each. The store will ask you for your Real Name (WILL NOT BE displayed to the public) and the forum will ask you for a User Name (WILL BE displayed to the public). You may use the same email address and password for both.
  • We are having some issues with our customized styles. The forum will be open with the default style until we can correct the issues. Thank you for your patience.
  • Welcome, Guest! The results are in for the "Spin to Win" Render Challenge! Come check out the final gallery!

The real cost of living

Carey

Extraordinary
Many here know I recently underwent heart valve replacement,
now I am in cardiac rehab. I came out of that surgery weak as a two day old kitten.....Now I have fight my way back, yes I do mean fight. I should not have lived, yes I know in this day and age heart surgery is almost routine, mine was not do to a number of factors. To make what is most likely a very grand story shorter. I wish to say this. I gained a new life, A grander life perhaps, but one with limits, concerns and problems... I had been working out for about two months, working out on legs lifts, petal machines, I felt much stronger and there was one machine I had my eye on....The treadmill machine... Finally one day I grabbed a nurse and I started walking,I only lasted a minute. legs went rubber on me..Silly really to expect more really, but I had great hopes...I had never been told why I was losing the use of my legs...I'd pester doctors and all I would get is dumb looks. I was never told that heart surgery would give me back my legs, but I was never told it wouldn't...Was it so much to wish for? I didn't say anything as I more or less fell back into my wheel chair. There are moments in life when reality slaps you right across the face as I caught the look of disappointment in my wife's eye and shock on the nurses face as my legs folded under me. I even smiled as if it was all no big deal...The realization that I indeed was to live, but life would more then likely depend on four wheels...I should have died, There was even a time I asked my doctor to be allowed to do so, granted at the time I was already three quarters there. All my doctor had to do was let it happen. Twenty days of fighting for each breath on the promise of that doctor that he would allow me to be at peace if what he had in mind didn't work... I was very lucky, yet late at night when no one is around I let my head drop, damned fool thing to shed tears over really.....
 

Hornet3d

Distinguished
Many here know I recently underwent heart valve replacement,
now I am in cardiac rehab. I came out of that surgery weak as a two day old kitten.....Now I have fight my way back, yes I do mean fight. I should not have lived, yes I know in this day and age heart surgery is almost routine, mine was not do to a number of factors. To make what is most likely a very grand story shorter. I wish to say this. I gained a new life, A grander life perhaps, but one with limits, concerns and problems... I had been working out for about two months, working out on legs lifts, petal machines, I felt much stronger and there was one machine I had my eye on....The treadmill machine... Finally one day I grabbed a nurse and I started walking,I only lasted a minute. legs went rubber on me..Silly really to expect more really, but I had great hopes...I had never been told why I was losing the use of my legs...I'd pester doctors and all I would get is dumb looks. I was never told that heart surgery would give me back my legs, but I was never told it wouldn't...Was it so much to wish for? I didn't say anything as I more or less fell back into my wheel chair. There are moments in life when reality slaps you right across the face as I caught the look of disappointment in my wife's eye and shock on the nurses face as my legs folded under me. I even smiled as if it was all no big deal...The realization that I indeed was to live, but life would more then likely depend on four wheels...I should have died, There was even a time I asked my doctor to be allowed to do so, granted at the time I was already three quarters there. All my doctor had to do was let it happen. Twenty days of fighting for each breath on the promise of that doctor that he would allow me to be at peace if what he had in mind didn't work... I was very lucky, yet late at night when no one is around I let my head drop, damned fool thing to shed tears over really.....

Well, for a start let me say I am glad you are alive, on a selfish note I would miss your comments on my renders but then a whole lot more. Years ago I was in hospital in Australia, thousands of miles away from my home and my family in the UK. I was being investigated after having been admitted with pains in the chest. In the next bed to me was a lovely old gent who had just undergone extensive heart surgery, and we were tended by the most delightful Irish nurse. They could not find the cause of my pains but I was diagnosed as having type 2 diabetes, the nurse was so supportive and full of advice but the advice I remember the most though was not for me but my recently discovered friend. She advised that when he went home that he should try walking when he thought able but only to walk for five minutes unless he already felt tired. Next day if he was not tired he could try ten minutes but then stop. The aim was clearly to build up his strength but hopeful never reach the stage where he was actually tired. It seemed good advice to me then I I have taken the advice whenever I it became appropriate.

I had an aunt who was in a wheel chair for over fifteen years and we were close. I know therefore some of the frustration of being dependant on others even though she was lucky enough to have people around her that loved her and helped, she was never a burden. I share your pain but do not give up hope. It is not a fool thing to shed tears over, I have never been one to think shedding a tear somehow shows weakness. It shows you are in touch with feelings and I suspect not only your own but others too.

You are in my thoughts and I wish you every success in the fight you have to make.
 

skylab

Wise
Yes Carey, hang in there. Drastic changes in our lifestyle and feeling of independence can be one of the toughest hurdles to clear as we grow older. I have at times struggled with frustration in recent years over loss of some of my mobility. The day I started using a cane in order to aid stability in walking was like embracing my worst enemy....everything in me despised it, and yet in time it became my helper....and with it, I could still maintain a certain amount of independence. Also, I found that, in time, my usual sense of humor kicked in, and I learned to use the cane as a helpful prop....like when getting groceries, I could hook things off of the top shelf into the basket of the handicapped cart...and sometimes folks would offer to help, and other times they would applaud when I'd make the basket :) Since my surgery two years ago I've had to struggle with more weakening of the legs, since nothing will take away leg strength like bed confinement....so now I'm still in the slow process of trying to regain strength, as much as possible. Meanwhile, I have to focus on the strength that I do have, and the tools that I can use to maintain independence. I find that I have to pour my energy and thoughts on creative solutions to make routine lifestyle easier. For example, in order to bring groceries in the house, what was once a simple task, is now a challenge...but I wanted to work out a solution in order to remain independent...I wanted to do it myself....so I started using extra large sized canvas bags and light weight canvas rolling carts, and loading them up, I'm able to drag them by the handles to the kitchen while I roll myself backwards in a chair. Might sound ridiculous, but it works beautifully, and it took the strain off of my legs, and also the over-exertion (and shortness of breath) while trying to carry things using a cane. All of that to say, you will grieve the loss of strength for a season....that's normal and to be expected....but the sooner you focus on problem solving, and solutions, the sooner you'll feel your dignity and sense of purpose returning. So hang in there....the fact that you're in touch with how you're feeling now will work well in your favor later.



:angel:
 

Alisa

HW3D QAV Queen Bee
Staff member
QAV-BEE
Hang in there, Carey! Sending hugs. Take things day by day. While I can imagine that the realization that you have to depend on a wheelchair is devastating, I can guarantee that your family and friends would rather have you ALIVE and in a wheelchair than gone.

That said, there's nothing wrong with having things hit you and shedding tears over them sometimes. That makes you human.

I hope with time you'll be able to focus on things you can still do that you enjoy, and make those things an important part of your life.
 

DanaTA

Noteworthy
Glad you made it through, Carey! Nobody is guaranteed another day, and it seems that you are grateful for the day. That's all anyone could ask for. Hang in there!

Dana
 

Rae134

Renowned
CV-BEE
Contributing Artist
What Alisa said.

I'm with Hornet too, I'm going to be selfish as well and say I'm glad you're still with us as I too would miss your stories, I assume your family would too and I don't think they'd care if you were in a wheelchair or not as long as you're still with them (they may be disappointed but not because of the chair but because you're upset).
 

KageRyu

Lost Mad Soul
Contributing Artist
I would like to offer comforting words, but I have never been good at it. I always feel anything I say sounds hollow or cliche and falls short. In many ways I empathize with you, in others I can only imagine. I did not want to not say anything and have you think I did not care though.
 

Me195

Extraordinary
I'm happy that you made it. I don't think it was a foolish thing to shed tears over at all. You have to express yourself somehow or it will come out somewhere else. I'm wishing the best for you, and I really hope things get easier.
 

Carey

Extraordinary
I'm happy that you made it. I don't think it was a foolish thing to shed tears over at all. You have to express yourself somehow or it will come out somewhere else. I'm wishing the best for you, and I really hope things get easier.
As a story teller I can't escape from telling a good story, even if it is my own...lol
 

Carey

Extraordinary
I'm happy that you made it. I don't think it was a foolish thing to shed tears over at all. You have to express yourself somehow or it will come out somewhere else. I'm wishing the best for you, and I really hope things get easier.
If crying is done properly and in private, I still get to play the Hero..See I didn't share this because it is true, didn't share it because I wanted a pity party...I shared it because it is a great story to be shared among friends, don't worry though by the morning I was back in character...I bitched about my breakfast then told the story of how it got so cold on a camp out that in cooking over the camp fire my eggs and bacon freeze dried....
 

Carey

Extraordinary
Hang in there, Carey! Sending hugs. Take things day by day. While I can imagine that the realization that you have to depend on a wheelchair is devastating, I can guarantee that your family and friends would rather have you ALIVE and in a wheelchair than gone.

That said, there's nothing wrong with having things hit you and shedding tears over them sometimes. That makes you human.

I hope with time you'll be able to focus on things you can still do that you enjoy, and make those things an important part of your life.
Telling this wasn't easy, I have not written less then five hundred words in a very long time...lol ....Thanks, well for being you
 

Carey

Extraordinary
Well, for a start let me say I am glad you are alive, on a selfish note I would miss your comments on my renders but then a whole lot more. Years ago I was in hospital in Australia, thousands of miles away from my home and my family in the UK. I was being investigated after having been admitted with pains in the chest. In the next bed to me was a lovely old gent who had just undergone extensive heart surgery, and we were tended by the most delightful Irish nurse. They could not find the cause of my pains but I was diagnosed as having type 2 diabetes, the nurse was so supportive and full of advice but the advice I remember the most though was not for me but my recently discovered friend. She advised that when he went home that he should try walking when he thought able but only to walk for five minutes unless he already felt tired. Next day if he was not tired he could try ten minutes but then stop. The aim was clearly to build up his strength but hopeful never reach the stage where he was actually tired. It seemed good advice to me then I I have taken the advice whenever I it became appropriate.

I had an aunt who was in a wheel chair for over fifteen years and we were close. I know therefore some of the frustration of being dependant on others even though she was lucky enough to have people around her that loved her and helped, she was never a burden. I share your pain but do not give up hope. It is not a fool thing to shed tears over, I have never been one to think shedding a tear somehow shows weakness. It shows you are in touch with feelings and I suspect not only your own but others too.

You are in my thoughts and I wish you every success in the fight you have to make.
I have had some great fun with you while admiring your work...I think I would like to carry on with that, that is of course if the position is still open....lol
 

Hornet3d

Distinguished
I have had some great fun with you while admiring your work...I think I would like to carry on with that, that is of course if the position is still open....lol
I am always surprised, but very pleased, when anyone takes the time to comment on any of my renders. I value all comments but when they are from someone with similar interest it is just a little more special as they know some of the challenges of creating such renders. Our love of sci-fi makes us kindred spirits so I always love reading your comments (even the tongue in cheek ones) and suggestions. A long way of saying something important to me at least........position still opened? I would be honoured for you to continue in the same way you have done for so long.

Take care of yourself.
 
Top