Sorry to hear about the business problem DigiDotz.
It's still a hard economy, despite what many say about it turning around, it really depends on where you are...
If it's any consolation, I find it makes one feel better if they blame things like this on squirrels.
Really, with their beady little eyes, sharp claws, constant paw wringing, evil laughter and bad toupees... Always digging in the dirt and wrecking stuff... They are like tiny little politicians, only furrier and less fresh smelling...
Mostly less fresh smelling.
Squirrels actually tried to kill me recently... They tried to blow up my tractor.
True story... I was starting up my tractor to put it into storage for the winter and as I turned the key, the battery exploded... I got spattered with acid (nothing bad, I neutralized it quickly) and the hood of the tractor was knocked askew... There were battery bits all over and when I picked up the pieces I collected them in a plastic bin along with the remains of the battery's guts... A few weeks later, I went to throw another piece I found in the grass, into the bin and I noticed that one of the corners of the battery case was chewed through... Smart of them... The water inside evaporates and the unbalanced chemistry results in excessive hydrogen gas building up... Make a spark and kaboom!
And it's not the first time either... I'm pretty sure squirrels damaged the fuel lines on my old Dodge back in 2001... They were obsessed with the hoses, wires and PVC parts on that car... One day while I was driving, it burst into flames... I like hot rods, but that was not what I had in mind. Trying to drive a burning car out of the general public's range so nobody gets hurt is not fun or easy. Yeah... Lots of fun side stories come from that event.
But yeah, blame it on squirrels... They were probably hanging around outside of the cafe in that little tree by the curb... Just leering at people, making potential customers feel uncomfortable... Or maybe one or two of them shaved their tails and hung out in front eating croissants talking in rat accents. Probably vandalized a couple of customer's vehicles too. They are worse than the Mafia when it comes to extortion... And you probably didn't even know you pissed them off. Maybe you or one of your employees ignored them when they tried to bum a cookie or muffin crumbs... And that was it.
They are the worst...
Do you know that both Saddam Hussein and Muammar Gaddafi were eventually betrayed by their pet squirrels who led their pursuers to their hiding places... And even though these squirrels had far more blood on their paws then either dictator, they managed to escape justice.
Squirrels are indirectly responsible for World War One...
Gavrilo Princip, the man who assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria was driven to hatred of the Archduke by a squirrel who used to pee on him from over the doorway of his home every morning on his way to school in Sarajevo... The squirrel, who bore a striking resemblance to Franz Ferdinand, right down to the handlebar mustache, became a source of aggravation and frustration, eventually driving Pincip to acts of violence and causing him to be be expelled from school in 1912... Princip swore vengeance on all squirrels and the Archduke as well.
Not long after, he joined the Serbian Revolutionary Organization and eventually became part of the plot to kill the Archduke.
Few people know that Princip was actually only a backup assassin, one of several and that the original attempt on the archduke's life that day was an almost comical failure, with one of the primary assassins chickening out and the other who made an attempt to kill the archduke with a poorly aimed grenade, subsequently trying to unsuccessfully commit suicide with an expired cyanide pill while trying to drown himself by diving into the Miljaka river which was only five inches deep at the time (pretty much a Woody Allen movie up to that point), but as fate would have it, the archduke's driver had become slightly lost while fleeing the initial attack. Meanwhile across town, Princip became aware the the attack had failed and figuring it was called off for the moment, he decided to get a croissant and a big Latte Macchiato from Shiller's Café. As Princip stood outside the café sipping his latte and savoring the impending bite of croissant, squirrel pee began to rain down on him from the elm tree branch above. Sure enough after three years, Squirrel Archduke Franz Ferdinand had somehow found him and was humiliating him once again. Princip pulled out his revolver and took four shots at the squirrel, all of which missed, but just at that moment the actual archduke was coming down the street, hearing the shots, the driver slammed on the brakes and tried to make a u-turn, but the car stalled because of the maneuver and drew Princip's attention, which had been drawn by the squirrel who had now scampered away laughing loudly. Enraged and frustrated, Princip focused on the Archduke and his wife, firing two shots at them which mortally wounded them. Princip immediately took his cyanide pill, which was expired too and then tried to shoot himself only to find he was out of bullets. As a police officer who had been drawn to the scene by the initial shots, wrestled Princip to the ground, Princip claimed he could hear the squirrel's mocking laughter.
Those events would spark the excuse for starting the First World War.
Over 17 million people would perish in that conflict, all because of one annoying persistent squirrel... Because despite the archduke's driver having made a wrong turn, Princip who by his own admission, was focused on his croissant and facing the wrong way and never would have seen them drive by.
The squirrel was never prosecuted and is rumored to have moved to Austria where he tormented a young Adolf Shicklgruber, perhaps adding to his malevolent nature and ensuring a Second World War.
So you see, nothing you could have done would have changed anything... The squirrels had you marked for revenge that very first moment... It could have been worse... At least they didn't try to kill you.
Anyway... Good luck and watch your back DigiDotz.
