@Dream9Studios
I get on people’s nerves and statisically, I’ve probably killed a lot of people’s nerves solely by being as obnoxious as I naturally am... so I’m wondering if you know someone like me...
Do you have an exasperating acquaintance, neighbor or coworker who tells long boring stories, frequently expresses their unorthodox sense of humor in unique and ever confounding ways or hides in cupboards wearing a gorilla costume just to surprise you?
In their defense, it’s to cheer you up...
I hope...
They could just be crazy.
But either way, if you know someone like this, that could be the source of your nerve damage and possibly why that kitchen cabinet is coming off the wall.
I’ve found that if this is the situation, then it’s actually not as bad as it seems and it’s totally easy to remedy.
Try using larger lag bolts and making sure the cabinet is secured to the walls studs.
That’s probably not really helpful... I should have mentioned you’ll probably need a step ladder and some sort of drill and maybe a level too...
Depending how important it is to you that all your canned goods not slide to one side or cascade onto you when you open the cabinet door.
I know, I know... I got sidetracked...
You are probably more concerned about stopping whatever it is that’s causing the nerve damage.
I’ve got nothing...
If I could see the doctor’s report, I could offer advice like “Hmmm... they’ve got good handwriting for a doctor”... but that would be a lie... what doctor has legible handwriting?
Regardless, I’d be happy to look at the report, but legally, commenting on the handwriting is all I’m allowed to do anymore...
Apparently the authorities frown upon practicing medicine without a license... which is kinda stupid because they let you practice flying, driving and penguin wrestling without a license... how are you supposed to get good enough at it so you can pass the test or competition and win a license...
It’s not like they make a doctoring permit so you can practice medicine like you can drive with a learner’s permit...
Wait... do they?
I never actually checked.
I don’t really know how you become a doctor, but I figure there is a test or some sort of challenge... maybe like a surgery competition where everyone who’s patients survive gets a doctor license...?
I should look that up.
I probably won’t... I’m very easily distracted.
Which is probably why I didn’t bother to check in the first place...
Also someone left a doctor costume at my house after a Halloween party...
Which I just realized means they probably went home naked...
Huh... I guess I didn’t notice that.
Whatever...
I’m done being a “doctor”...
Besides pretending to be a doctor was boring after a while... pretending to be a astronaut was much more fun...
But that’s not relevant to whatever it was I was talking about...
Cabinet repair?
I should go back and see what it was...
Oh geez...
Yeah... oooh... the elbow thing...
Okay...
I think you can see what I originally meant... how obnoxious individuals can wear on your nerves and eventually everything goes awry.
Well... if that’s the problem the best advice I can give is don’t leave food out in open containers especially dishes containing pork...
That definitely attracts people like me...
Also consider a pest management service.
Anyway, I know none of this was helpful, but hopefully it took your mind off the problem for a while...
Then again maybe not... you might now be wondering if your doctor is a real doctor...
Hopefully they are... you did check to see if their stethoscope wasn’t just a couple of dark shoelaces with some marshmallows and an Oreo hot glued to the ends?... Right?
Also, a medical degree written in crayon is a big tip off...
I’m surprised nobody noticed any of that when I did it...
But anyway, I’m sure it’s fine...
You’ll be fine... I’ll stake my fake medical degree on it.
Actually, I don’t have it anymore... I don’t want to get into why, but that whole paper goods shortage at the beginning of the pandemic may have had something to do with it.
I think you know what I mean.
Anyway, sorry if this is making your nerves hurt... usually my writing is most stressful on the optic nerves...
Also, if at anytime someone popped out of a cabinet wearing a gorilla at your place of employment and that individual happened to be me... sorry...
It’s come to my attention that people don’t actually enjoy this as much as I was led to believe by the voices in my head...
They say stuff and sometimes I believe them...
Anyway, apparently people are afraid of gorillas leaping out of cabinets... maybe it’s some sort of Planet of the Apes thing...
I didn’t really research it, but that’s my guess...
I’m thinking of switching to something more benign... like maybe a clown costume...
People love clowns... right?
Wasn’t there that really adorable one with the red balloon who lived in the sewer from that Steven King movie?
I didn’t see it but he seemed real friendly and comforting.
Anyway....
Hopefully you are feeling at ease by now and anticipating the surgery...
Realistically, if you’ve read this far, you can handle the surgery with no problem... most people never even make it past the first dozen sentences...
Laboratory rats explode halfway through the first hundred words.
Which is a real shame because it’s really hard to teach rats to read.
Anyway...
I should go... this isn’t helping and you’ve suffered through this long enough.
Good luck and please let us know how it goes when you do have the surgery.
And sorry about the cabinets.
Cheers and good luck!