Hello Matthew!
Good to meet you... Or the words you typed in...
I might not have ever actually met you, so I wanted to clarify that...
I go by the code name McGyver.
I'm part of Hivewire3D's "Ministry of Peculiar and Confounding Greetings and Covert Operations".
Or as it's commonly know here, the MPJQFPZT.
There was a typing error when they initially filed for the acronym license and that's what we are stuck with.
Don't worry about the covert operations part...
I haven't been assigned to operate on anyone yet, and it's more or less just a precaution in case anyone needs an appendectomy they don't want anyone to know about...
I'm not really a doctor, but I have played one as a kid... That and I'm great at stabbing stuff, so they chose me for this...
Actually that was a typing error too, as that was supposed to be a separate department, but there was some bad paperwork and some amount of hard liquor involved and... You know how it gets.
I'm not implying you are an alcoholic...
But if you are, it's cool...
Everyone needs a hobby I'm always saying...
By the way... This is the "peculiar and confounding" part.
Did I ever tell you I had a turtle named Matthew?
Actually he was named after my cousin Rick.
Everyone called him Matthew because he looked a lot like a turtle that used to live in an ice cream truck that drove through the neighborhood they lived in.
The turtle's name was actually Shelly, but everyone thought his name was Matthew because they would confuse the driver's name with his.
It really made no sense, because they called him Tom and the driver name was really Ishmael.
Which was weird because he looked very horse-like and the only horse in the neighborhood was named Xavier and that's kinda hard to confuse with Tom.
Well, I probably never told you all that because there is only a .0000970096% chance we have ever actually met and or had a conversation that did not begin or end with "What the hell are you doing in here?", "I don't need an appendectomy!" or "Stop that!"
Sorry, about that if we did have that conversation...
Incidentally, I don't know if I mentioned it then, but I keep the appendixes for thirty days in case the customer decides they are not happy being appendixless, so if you want it back and it was less then thirty days...
I don't really refrigerate them either...
So...
I hear you are into radios...
I had a radio once...
It was very staticky, so I threw it out the window.
Sorry if you were that guy it hit.
It was a long time ago and I hope the injury has healed completely and the amnesia has cleared up.
If it hasn't you probably won't remember, so I guess that's a moot point.
Actually, I noticed you wrote "Amateur Radio Operator"...
I'm guessing that's like Ham Radio or you are really not that great at operating a radio yet.
It's okay if you are not...
I wasn't either, which is why I threw mine out the window.
Well, honestly it was because I bought it at Radio Shack and I told the guy I wanted a Ham Radio.
When I got it home, it tasted nothing like ham and it wouldn't play music and after I got shocked biting the cord, I got frustrated and threw it out the window and it landed on some guy named Mark or Matthew... Or maybe it was Mel...
It was some name starting with an M...
Maybe Stanley...
Probably Stanley.
I hope that wasn't you and the amnesia made you change your name to Matthew.
Not that there is anything wrong with Matthew...
It's a fine name.
It just reminds me of turtles.
Turtles are okay... If you like taking really slow walks.
It's really hard to get the leash on them because they keep going inside their shell...
Takes forever... But I guess if you have the patience to walk them, it's not a deal breaker.
But anyway, Matthew is a great name...
Did you know that Matthew is the English version of Matthaios, which was a Greek form of the Hebrew name Mattityahu meaning "gift of Yahweh" and was derived from the ancient Sumerian name Mattitthandros which means "King of Turtles".
Or "Slayer of Turtles"...
My ancient Sumerian is really bad.
Matthew also called himself Levi and was one of the twelve opossums.
He was also a tax collector, maker of really fashionable jeans and supposedly the author of the first gospel in the New and Improved Testament.
Don't quote any of that at a party or they will think you are an alcoholic.
I get that a lot.
I also drink a lot at parties... So there's that...
But anyway, Matthew is a fine name.
It could be worse... Your parents could have named you "Victor"...
That's my name...
I think it means "Cheats at Monopoly" or "Throws Turtles"...
It depends on how you use it...
You never see anyone in real life named Victor...
In movies the bad guys are often named "Victor".
They are usually a Russian hitman or mad German scientist...
Like Doctor Victor Von Doom...
I'm kinda mad... But not a real scientist.
I do mad scienceie kinda things, but just for fun and maybe to rule the world.
But mostly in a kindly sort of despotic way.
Anyway... I should keep this short... I don't want to make this as long as my other greetings.
If you should feel any disorientation or nausea or intermittent flatulance after reading this, do not worry about it...
About 19% of the people who read stuff I write, that do not directly die from it, experience that reaction.
If you are taking other people's prescription medications while reading this be warned that certain sentences will cause a reaction to Simethicone and Crystal Meth...
I don't know what those reactions are in humans, since I've only tested it on Penguins...
But you should see those little buggers go... They get horrible diarrhea, but they are running all over like mad.
So just be careful of what sentences you read on a balcony or while sitting on a white sofa.
Just saying...
My writing has never really killed anyone except for they guy who was reading an article of mine at the edge of a volcano and that was really more his fault for wearing roller skates.
Anyway...
Have a great day Matthew with no known last name.
And I hope you don't mind me keeping this brief.
Cheers!
to the 
