Greetings, memories, apologies

[ronknights]

Hello to all my fellow artists. I hope you all have been well. I just wanted to drop in and share some feelings and concerns. I'm a bit of a "documentation freak," having collected digital memories of various relationships and experiences since I got onto the Internet in the 1990s.

Today I went over a copy of a forum thread from a popular Poser site that died perhaps a decade ago. I lose track of time. This thread was in 2002. I relived the tragic end of my membership on that site. Now I have the benefit of insight, realizing just how much of those troubles was my own responsibility.

I recognized many names from that thread in 2002. LisaB is one that comes to mind. Then I started asking myself if I started to repeat those past mistakes here at Hivewire3d. I want to sincerely apologize to anyone who I hurt back in those darker days. I also apologize if I inconvenienced or hurt anyone here at Hivewire3D.

I sometimes tend to bounce between manic and depressive. Those emotional extremes are best kept to a minimum and private. Sometimes, though, I get really creative, and slap-happy. I love to share ecstatic creativity. But that extreme also tends to overwhelm others.

I guess one day I'll start a new web site again. Then I can go nuts and post to my hearts desire. It's been awhile since I've had that kind of energy, so I'm safe for awhile. Thanks for listening.

 

[McGyver]

I wasn't around in 2002... Well, I was around on earth, mostly, but not 3Dishly... So, I have no idea what you may or may not have done or said, back then, but as far as I've noticed in any threads you have contributed to or commented in, you have only been a nice, helpful and civilized forumite... (Forum member... Not a Forum Mite, the small arachnids that infest the ceilings of dimly lit or humid forums)...
Then again this is coming from me, so realistically that's no gauge of reality... Sorry...
I understand the fluctuating emotions...
Lately mine have been fluctuating a lot too... Its more news/current events based, but life can throw stuff at us that reflects in ones writings sometimes and I think most people here understand and give each other some latitude on that...
I'd say, unless I missed something, you seem to be a nice person.
I don't see you as overwhelming at all... But then again that's coming from me, I'm obnoxious as all hell and not much better in person... Actually worse because of my constant marking of territory, but that's what happens when you are raised by wolves I suppose...
I suppose this isn't helping much because you are earnestly expressing concern and getting a reply saying "you are just fine" from someone expressly not qualified to judge "fine"... But for whatever it's worth I stand by that assessment.
You should note that at the moment I am sitting at real desk, wearing normal clothes, no Viking helmet or gorilla costume, there are no flashing lights and armored vehicles surrounding my vicinity (I just checked), nothing is on fire or about to explode, I'm not holding or near fermented beverages, I'm not about to fight any stray animals over random hunks of meat...
I am in fact sitting here calmly and to a novice I could be momentarily mistaken for an ordinary sane human being...
So there is that...
If that helps...
Five minutes from now God only knows what I'll do, it's really a roulette spin of random possibilities, but if nobody else responds (when I started there were no other replies yet, and I got interrupted by phone calls in between) you have the possibility that in my moment of clarity, or in the very least "calmness", I gave an honest assessment of your good nature.
Or you just dismiss it as the rantings of a lunatic on a break.
Either way, I think you are the bee's knees...
Being that this is Hivewire, I think that's an appropriate expression... I have no idea what it actually means because bees generally have pollen all over their kness, but I've been waiting to use that saying since 1922 (long story) and it always seemed complimentary, so I'm standing by it.
I'll gonna go now, before I ruin this...
But you are okay in my book, (once again, for whatever that's worth) and I wish you a happy and good day kind sir!

 

[McGyver]

Well, ten minutes elapsed, so it's too late to edit my post, but I looked up "Bees knees"

"The phrase was first recorded in the late 18th century, when it was used to mean 'something very small and insignificant'. Its current meaning dates from the 1920s, at which time a whole collection of American slang expressions were coined with the meaning 'an outstanding person or thing'. Examples included the flea's eyebrows, the canary's tusks, and one that still survives - the cat's whiskers. The switch in meaning for the bee's knees probably emerged because it was so similar in structure and pattern to these other phrases"

So please go with the 1922 adaptation of the phrase, I meant it nicely...

Just in case you have randomly traveled through time to the 1700s and found the earlier incarnation of that saying to be insulting... I have no idea if you are small/miniature or not, as its really hard to judge scale from thumbnail avatars , but you are not definitely NOT insignificant... You are in fact an outstanding person.

Over and out...

 

[Alisa]

LOL, McG...

I am in fact sitting here calmly and to a novice I could be momentarily mistaken for an ordinary sane human being...

Of course, we're not novices...we know you too well and would never make that mistake

Ron, I think you've been doing fine at HW, but it's great that you are aware that in the past you were not the person you want to be and are taking responsibility for your actions and apologizing to anyone you may have hurt (I was not one of those) back then. Hopefully your past can remain just as that, the past. Don't relive it too much, ok? Just work on being the best you that you can be now and in the future.

 

[Miss B]

I am in fact sitting here calmly and to a novice I could be momentarily mistaken for an ordinary sane human being...

LOL, McG...

Of course, we're not novices...we know you too well and would never make that mistake

 

[Lorraine]

Hey Ron, I hear you loud and clear. It's really painful when you have been unwell to see the things you did during that period. It's easier to pretend it didn't happen or to blame others for it. And you have not done either of these. What you have done in this post is super brave and I applaud you. Keep on keeping on, look up not down, stay away from negative people and keep taking your meds (that's my mantra by the by, especially the keep taking my meds...otherwise I start looking for tall buildings). Love from down under.

 

[ronknights]

McG, you crack me up. I managed to read a bit of your first response, then my feeble mind rebelled. I really do appreciate your humor and response. Yes, and I appreciate the support the rest of you provide.

I don't relive the past as much as I did decades ago. I do, however, sometimes look over my memories, and gain some insights, etc. I sometimes participate in "art-related" forums. DAZ3D let me back into their forums after a long exile. But I just don't participate as much. Nowadays I'm careful that I don't overwhelm the forums. I haven't had Creative Energy for awhile.

I've suffered from Obstructive Sleep Apnea my entire life. I didn't get an official diagnosis until I was 50 years old. I'm still evaluating the treatment. There are so many factors to evaluate and consider. Also I got my new eyeglasses a year ago. I got them online, and I don't think the prescription was correct.

For some reason I didn't get notifications of replies to this thread. I was worried that was a sign that you didn't care. I'll likely look into that issue later. Right now I'm getting over a few years of fitful sleep. My BiPap mask wasn't fitting right, and the oxygen from the machine was just gushing right out of my mouth. It took awhile to figure that out. I've been sleeping alone since my marriage ended in 2006. Now I have a better BiPap mask, and my sleep is getting better. I still feel foggy & drowsy... But I'm making progress!

Thank you all so much for allowing me to hang out here at Hivewire3D. It's great to be in the company of fellow artists.

 

[Gadget Girl]

For some reason I didn't get notifications of replies to this thread.

I'm pretty sure that you always have to click the box to receive notifications for replies to a thread when you create one. I forget to do this all the time myself.

Much like McGyver

I wasn't around in 2002... Well, I was around on earth, mostly, but not 3Dishly...

And I haven't noticed you do anything un-couth on the forums here. But maybe you are just hiding in threads I'm not reading. I don't read ALL the threads, just a lot of them

I think it's great that you are now aware you may have done something hurtful in the past, and are willing to own up to it. But having done so, I wouldn't stress about it. Just enjoy the hive

 

[Alisa]

McG, you crack me up. I managed to read a bit of your first response, then my feeble mind rebelled.

LOL - yeah, I think most of us have that reaction. You really have to read his posts when you can focus so you can really enjoy them. Or do them in bits..

I've suffered from Obstructive Sleep Apnea my entire life. I didn't get an official diagnosis until I was 50 years old. I'm still evaluating the treatment. There are so many factors to evaluate and consider.
Right now I'm getting over a few years of fitful sleep. My BiPap mask wasn't fitting right, and the oxygen from the machine was just gushing right out of my mouth. It took awhile to figure that out. I've been sleeping alone since my marriage ended in 2006. Now I have a better BiPap mask, and my sleep is getting better. I still feel foggy & drowsy... But I'm making progress!

Hope that continues - we have a good friend who just was diagnosed - after using a machine for a few months, she sounds like herself again!

For some reason I didn't get notifications of replies to this thread. I was worried that was a sign that you didn't care. I'll likely look into that issue later.

In addition to what Gadget Girl mentions, click on your name at the top right of any page, then choose "preferences". There are 2 options to check

• Automatically watch threads that you create or when you reply...
  • and receive email notifications of replies

Then it's selected automatically.

 

[ronknights]

OK, I was fumbling around, and found an option that lets me watch the thread and receive email notifications. That helps!

 

[pommerlis]

Ron, I've been around a while on the internet and it could well be I 'bumped' into you somewhere on some forum but I can't recall anything else then politeness and kindness from you here at the Hive.
So we're definetly good

 

[ronknights]

pommerlis, thank you so much for your feedback. Have a wonderful weekend!

 

[AllenArt]

I was around then and remember, but what's been done a decade or more ago is the least of my problems as far as I'm concerned. Besides, I have my own mouth to contend with, which carries its own set of problems . My advice: don't fret over it. People are generally very forgiving and mostly forgetful and even if they aren't, things that happened years and years ago are of no consequence . It's very big of you to admit your own faults and apologize for them in an open forum. Very brave indeed.

All we can do is live from today because that's all we really have. So be happy!

Laurie

 

[ronknights]

One of my favorite songs is "Don't Worry, Be Happy!" Thanks for your feedback. In my older age I've gotten much better at moderating my behavior.

 

[Faery_Light]

Ron, I was a member at Rendo from the year 2000 and I can not recall any issues with you.
Actually I only had issues with maybe two but as they wee Trolls who popped into galleries just to make nasty remarks, they were soon caught and booted out.
We had several members who had emotional problems and occasionally let that slip through but most of us knew and understood.
I have seen nothing here that makes me feel you have created any problems period.
It is good to see that you know you might say something you think others would find offensive.
However, I feel we all understand as we all have our "moments' when we vent and then wonder if it was offensive to anyone.
to me you come across as a really nice guy.

 

[ronknights]

Faery_Light, thanks so much for your kind words. I'm glad you missed that particular flame war. It was rather brutal. I discovered recently that many people still remember me, and classify me as a trouble-maker.

In fact, around 2010, some of my old "Poser adversaries" teamed up with other people from the YouTube community and launched a trolling campaign against me. I had achieved some small recognition at that time, and made a good target, once again. I could tell some of the old Poser adversaries were there, because of the various techniques and blatant comments. All this happened over a decade after I'd been banned from most of the "Poser" forums!

It got so bad that I deleted over 100 videos at the time, and briefly considered suicide. Fortunately, I bounced back rather quickly.

 

[Faery_Light]

Sounds like it was terrible for you.

My son was bi-polar and had a very difficult time during his life.
He once had a web page at My Space and several other members were insulting and even went so far as to tell him he was worthless and should kill himself.
He was so upset he deleted that page and dropped his account.
All he wanted was to reach out and find someone who understood what he was going through.

Sometimes my son said and did things that seemed very bad but he was not fully aware when he went into the manic part of his bi-polar condition.
People did not understand that and those that did shunned him.

We never know exactly why people do or say what the do or say, sometimes they are just not their selves at the time.
I try to understand and not get upset unless I find someone is just plain mean...lol.

 

[ronknights]

Faery_Light, I'm sorry you & your son experienced such a terrible experience. I hesitate to ask, for fear of bringing up painful memories. Is your son still "with you?!"

 

[Faery_Light]

No, we lost him in 2008, someone got into the house or he let them in and they murdered him.
Then they tried to make it look like he killed himself but my daughter and I knew when we saw him that he hadn't done it.
The police said they would treat it as suspicious death but then suddenly changed their tune and it was ruled "accidental death by hanging".
Tried to claim he was into the erotic game of seeing how long he could do without air but there was nothing to show that he did.
and there were inconsistencies that told me and my daughter that someone was sending her and me a message to show how they could get into the house and do what they wanted.

He had seen the police doing something down by the river by our house and he was too afraid to tell anyone what it was.
And he had angered a few pimps that brought their girls down by our house to do business and he chased the girl off.
I told him to leave them alone because they were also selling drugs and you don't mess with that kind of thing.

We never found out if it was the pimps sending someone to befriend him then killing him or if the police did.
He had made friends with a policewoman who was blond and there were long blond hairs on the couch he slept on.

We did the only thing we cold do, we let it go to protect my daughter and her children as well and will never know who did it.

 

[ronknights]

Faery_Light, you have my sincere sympathies. What a tragic tale!