Although phone scams are not a laughing matter, when I get one I like to play along as if I didn't know that it's a scam. I figure, as long as I'm tying up their time, they're not scamming someone else. Besides, I get a good laugh out of it, at their expense.
After one such call I sent this email to family and friends:
********
Title: I won!
That's right folks! I, Beth, won the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes! Whoo-hoo!!!
I won $750,000 and a 2016 Mercedes-Benz!
And I never even entered the contest!
The folks at Publishers Clearinghouse were so eager to get my prizes to me that they called me bright and early this morning at 7:45 AM. Those gosh darn PCH employees must be so dedicated that they go to work early!
Mr. Jack Freeman informed me that I was a winner! He then gave me a lot of very important information and verification numbers that I had to write down so that when the prize van, paparazzi, and cameras rolled up, they could be sure they were giving the prizes to the right person. How considerate of them to make sure that none of my shifty neighbors would try to steal my prizes away from me! They informed me that their representative would be wearing a white jacket and tie - I guess they wanted to make sure that I wouldn't confuse their man with the balloons and giant check with someone else's man with balloons and a giant check.
Poor Mr. Freeman! He had to put up with having to repeat nearly everything he said to me at least twice because I just had such a gosh darn hard time understanding his cute, Jamaican accent! And then he had to put up with me accusing him of trying to perpetuate a scam on me! He was quick to assure me that he was a God fearing man and swore to me on Jesus that this was all on the up-and-up (after I explained to him what "perpetrate" meant, of course).
To convince me of his legitimacy, he even had his supervisor talk to me. Mr. John Washington assured me that everything was indeed true and that my prizes would be delivered to me within the hour. All I had to do was go to the nearest Wal-Mart and wire him $250, which the greedy and pesky American Government insisted on charging for tax purposes BEFORE I could receive my prizes. Golly gee, what a hassle! But I guess it's more than worth the measly $250 to get that $750,000 and new car, right? And guess what? Mr. Washington had a Jamaican accent, just like Mr. Freeman did! I guess no one could accuse PCH of not exhibiting fair hiring practices!
He said that he'd wait on the line while I drove to Wal-Mart. When I explained that I lived in a very small town and the nearest Wal-Mart was an hour drive away, he hesitated a moment, but then asked me if there might be a Western Union that was closer. I happily informed him that, yes indeed, there was one not even 5 minutes from me! So he repeated that he'd remain on the line while I went to Western Union and wired the money.
I am so ashamed to admit that I was still having trust issues with Mr. Washington - I mean, with a name like Washington, how could I doubt him? But there you have it, I was still uncertain about the veracity of both Mr. Freeman and Mr. Washington. ( I had to explain "veracity" too.) So I told him that if he would call the local sheriff's office and have them call me to verify that the call was really from PCH, then I would believe it. So he had me give him the sheriff's phone number, hung up, and I then impatiently waited for the call. Lo and behold, within just a few minutes the phone rang! The voice on the other end informed me that they were calling from the sheriff's office (funny how the sheriff's office phone caller ID shows as "unknown".) They told me that the call from PCH was legitimate! Oh, happy days! I then shared a good laugh with the deputy about how he, too, coincidentally was originally from Jamaica! You just couldn't miss that distinctive accent!
So, of course I profusely apologized to Mr. Washington for the silly misunderstanding, dashed off to the Western Union, wired off the $250, hurried home to put on my best outfit and makeup, and am now excitedly waiting by my window, peering out in anticipation of the prize van, balloons, giant check, and Mercedes-Benz to all come rolling up to my door!
*** NOT! ***
Beth
P.S. - Once I cash my giant $750,000 check, I plan on giving you $10,000! I want those close to me to share in my great fortune and happiness! All you have to do is wire me $250 to cover the taxes. Darn those greedy IRS agents!
